This Martin Luther King Day, the day before a new administration captured the attention of not only America but the world, I found myself embarking on the final steps of momentous journey. Or to say it straight, I trekked through the snow to the East Village to have a photo of my ass taken. For the next month, the Bare Ass 2008! Results will appear under Pages on the sidebar as a password protected page.
Since then I found myself completely unable to write about the experience. It wasn’t so much fear, but once the time arrived and I wasn’t sure how to proceed. It is a quite a lot to sit with, to have a CD full of naked pictures of yourself in your bag and to know that after all that has happened this year I had to post one of them here.
The week going into the ‘Ass Shot’ as my photographer Francine nicknamed it, I started to freak out. First about the obvious things:
A. Everyone was going to see my bare ass.
B. Anybody that I meet from this point on in my life may Google me, find this site, and think I’m insane. Which isn’t too far from the truth.
C. Even though I said that this blog was all about letting go of body issues, and loving myself as I am, I am way to fat to do this.
Then came the more random thoughts, which somehow freaked me out more:
A. The mark from where I burned my ass on the heat pipe is still visible.
B. In the winter my skin breaks out from dryness… everywhere.
C. I was going to have to see my bare ass.
I then spent the next few days performing more ass grooming than I ever have in my life. Don’t get dirty on me now kids, by that I mean exfoliating scrubs, vitamin E for my heat pipe scar, lotions for the dry skin on my back, butt, legs. I also have a lot of freckles all over my back from years of reckless frolicking in the summer sun that make me look like a speckled mackerel. And it is January so I am white as a ghost. But I decided to keep my priorities straight and focus my wigging out on my ass. Taking a naked picture of the part of the body that you have always been the most self-conscious about should include the side benefit of being able to let all the twenty million other things you hate about your body go.
On the way over, walking through the snowy East Village I suddenly became very serene about the whole thing. I am what I am. This is what I look like and there is nothing wrong with that. I will continue to strive towards a healthier body and making better lifestyle choices but there is no ideal version of myself that I have to smoosh my figure into before I can be happy. This picture is happening today, now, and that is good. Because one way or another life is now. I spoke to a friend on the way over and when we ended the conversation she said,
“Happy Ass Photo!”
And it was. Francine was a total doll and the whole afternoon felt like a professional shoot in her home studio. She is an amazing artist and I encourage you to check out her website. For all my actor friends she does headshots too. We picked out fabrics and talked about various poses and practiced before starting the real session. Here’s me trying one out on the couch, pants still on.
Then came the real deal. Did I want to get down to my undies and try a few then first to ease into it? I decided No. I got straight down to my birthday suit, but clung to the fabric we were using like a lifejacket. However, about an hour later I was totally over any feelings of shame that I had. It was a wild experience to just be there, exposed, and have to ease into my own body. But what really struck me was reviewing all the photos to pick out what I might want to use. For lack of a more eloquent phrase, it was the weirdest thing ever. There was a time when I never could have imagined scrolling through countless photos of my naked self without dropping dead from shame. Although, I then became obsessed about this pooch of back fat by my upper arm. Apparently my brain does not know how to fully function without something negative to focus in on.
One of my other favorite moments is when Francine got upset after we finished because she forgot the joke she had planned to say while we were taking pictures.
What was the joke?
When we were shooting I was going to say… “SAY CHEESE!”
So that is it. Bare Ass 2008! has come to a close. You can check out the results of the year, including the tasteful heiney shot on the Bare Ass 2008! Results password protected page.
It is there for you to see but only if you want. I did this in consideration of my good friend Jason. One of the first people to donate to Bare Ass 2008! his donation came with the rider ‘But I don’t want to see your ass!’
I’m not sure exactly what 2009 is going to bring. But I thought it very good timing to receive this message from Feeding America. If you are inspired by my journey, please still Donate to my Charity Badge or below is a great way to start a journey of your own while helping others in need.
Give Back And Get Healthy With the Pound For Pound Challenge
Feeding America, General Mills and The Biggest Loser have joined forces to support the Pound For Pound Challenge, which is helping Americans lose weight and providing hunger relief. There are three ways you can get involved:
- Pledge to lose weight and for every pound you lose by April 27, 2009, General Mills will donate 10 cents to Feeding America – enough to secure and distribute one pound of groceries to a local food bank.
- Mail in the Pound For Pound seals from specially-marked General Mills products. For every seal received by December 31, 2009, General Mills will donate 10 cents to Feeding America.
- Give now directly to Feeding America.
Through the Challenge, General Mills hopes to contribute $775,000 to Feeding America to help secure millions of pounds of groceries. You can learn more about this unique program here.
WhiteGirlWithaFatAss 