A Very Special Free Rice Friday

Welcome to Free Rice Friday where you can play some Free Rice and improve your wicked smartz all while helping the World Food Programme fight hunger.

Today’s word:  discomfiture = frustration

The tradition of Free Rice Friday is to have fun exploring the day’s word in a new and unusual way.  However this very special Free Rice Friday is one of the harder things I’ve ever had to write.  Going to the doctor a couple of weeks ago, an appointment that I put off because I was dreading getting weighed, I had quite a shock when I stepped on the scale.  The nurse slid the big weight to the 100 block.  I always get this giddy feeling when they do that, like it’s some sort of weird accomplishment on my part that they so far under-guessed my weight.  Oh no honey, I think to myself, you’re gonna want to slide that bad boy over to 150.  And she does.  And slides the little weight up top over, and over, and over, and… (sweet God!) over.

Finally she tells me she’s going to just call it 200 lbs because of my clothes and sneakers.  Great a pity weigh-in.  Awesome. So there you go, no more hiding.  I have officially gained back all the weight that I lost during BareAss 2008!  Putting me at the heaviest that I have ever been in my life. I could scream about how it is unfair I gain weight so easily. How much SPIN I’ve been going to and couldn’t it be muscle then?  That I don’t get what I’m doing wrong?  But I also know the truth, it was a long hard winter.  I got lazy.  I like cheese.  And  I throw food on top of it all when life gets too hard.

This has all left me feeling extremely shameful and with a bad case of discomfiture.  I’m embarrassed to be here again, and completely overwhelmed by the idea of  starting all over.  Then I thought to myself.  What if I don’t?   What can I do differently so that I don’t keep returning to this place of defeat and self-loathing?

Ironically, this is the happiest I’ve ever been with myself in my life.  I know who I am, and I like her.   So that is what I am embracing now.  My whole life I’ve always had this “I’ll be happy when I’m X pounds” mentality.  Like this would magically fix everything. Scripts will be sold, no more rejection. Princess-Bride-as-you-wish love will fall at my feet.  Being thin somehow equates to complete frizz removal in my hair.  I’ve always put off buying new clothes each season preferring to wait until I get down to a lower size in a couple weeks… in a couple months….

So instead of giving up and bingeing into numbed acceptance of my re-plumped self, I went out and bought some new desperately needed spring clothes.  Ignoring the sizes and buying a couple of new outfits that make me feel good as I am now.  Yes, I need to work on improving my health by shedding these excess pounds, and will have to work on this for life.  But I don’t have to start all over.  Wait until I’m a certain size or  weight to be happy.

This week I took a step to get back on track simply by food journaling.  And no, that doesn’t just mean examining my bar tab at the end of the evening with horror.  I’m turning in my journal weekly to a good friend who is doing nothing more than reading it.  Providing accountability for my choices.  It has already caused a significant shift in my attitude and choices

Thank you to everyone who commented on last week’s Fat and Fabulous vs Health post. Every $1 donated provides 9 lbs of fresh food through Feeding America.  Together we raised enough to provide 135 lbs of fresh food to families in need.  Your insightful and inspired comments gave me the courage to write this entry.  There were so many powerful ideas that really struck me and gave me a lot to think about, like:

• being overweight clearly has a negative effect on health, so losing weight is a great goal. But should obesity be the source of low self-esteem or the basis for personal criticism and mocking humor? Of course not. (gkimmerling)
• feeling shame about extra weight actually makes me more inclined to eat cake and less likely to exercise, despite my intellectual understanding of the viscous cycle that represents. (nikka)
• Ultimately if we all just started caring about who we are rather than what we look like, life would be easier. But yet I am still on a diet~ (stephanie)

Click Here to donate to my charity badge in support of these ideas and to help Feeding America reach their goal of getting 198,747 pounds of fresh food into the hands of families in need. Yes, I’m experiencing huge discomfiture over my continued battle with weight.  And while I still have a lot left to figure out when it comes to health and body image, the “Full House lesson” learned on this very special Free Rice Friday is that I don’t have to wait until I do to be happy.  (see what I did there?)

I totally photo-jacked this off my friend’s Facebook page.  Thank you Damon, I so often need reasons like this one to remind me why I love living in NYC!

Fat and Fabulous vs Health

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the idea of  overcoming negative body image verses the basic fact that being overweight is not good for you.  Yes, as a society we are fed unrealistic images of the perfect Barbie-like woman that growing up made me feel hopelessly inadequate.  But with childhood obesity on the rise, and the devastating effects this will inevitably have on the lifelong health of our kids, how wise is it to embrace the notion of being fat and fabulous?

Recently, all the hype around Howard Stern’s on-air attack on Gabourey Sidibe left me very conflicted.  Personally, I’ve never found Stern all that controversial.  Because he mostly states the obvious. Yes, the actress big.  Thanks dude. We all have eyes.  Thanks for once again drecking down an amazing achievement, not only her Oscar nod and but the fact that Precious got produced at all, into fat joke fodder.  And I can’t help but notice how this issue of being “enormous” is focused on Gabourey Sidibe, rather than Quinton Aaron  the male actor who appeared as the overweight teen in The Blind Side.

But then then Shock Jock took things in a new direction, talking about how the young actress needs help. Because that kind of weight will kill her.  And can I really argue with that?  When I started White Girl With a Fat Ass, many people lovingly took the time to say how beautiful they found me just the way I was and saw no need for change. But I’ve never shown any of them the quantities and kinds of food I eat when I am sad, or bored, or angry, or because LOST is on…

Along with using food as a life-crutch, then and now I struggle with various medical conditions aggravated by my extra weight. While I have come a long way as far as embracing who I am (including my beauteous big bottom), I  can honestly say that being overweight is going to negatively impact your health.

But did I adore seeing that beautiful young woman regardless of her size walk the red carpet in a fabulous dress like a stunningly voluptuous Cinderella? Oh Yes.  Am I annoyed that people find the perverse need to stomp all over her moment by insisting she will never work again because of her size? Hell Yes. I not only believe Gabourey Sidibe’s career is far from over but I am excited by the idea that screenwriters and producers will create more roles for her and other woman who don’t fit the usual tiny, tiny type that is now the actress norm.

Is it possible to balance being Fat and Fabulous with good health? What do you think?  I have an anonymous donor who has pledged to donate $1 to Feeding America for everyone that comments on this topic.   That $1 equals  9 pounds of food and grocery products to men, women and children facing hunger in our country.  Please comment below with your thoughts on this and tell your friends to do the same!

WGWaFA year in review

A friend of mine recently commented on Facebook that she considers ‘years in review’  lazy journalism.   While this may be true, I thought this to be the perfect opportunity to review the progress of Bare Ass 2008! in lbs pounds lost.   WGWaFA style.  Not only because I am in fact lazy, but also because pimping your heiney out to raise money for hunger relief doesn’t quite count as journalism anyway.

• At 194 lbs. I have now dropped from Super Heavy to Heavy in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu Tournaments standards.

Rooster	Up to 116 lbs.
Super Feather	116.1 – 127 lbs.
Feather	127.1 – 141 lbs.
Light	141.1 – 154 lbs.
Middle	154.1 – 167 lbs.
Light Heavy	167.1 – 181 lbs.
Heavy	181.1 – 194 lbs.
Super Heavy	194.1 – 208 lbs.
Unlimited	208.1 lbs. & Over

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

• At 191 lbs.  I am the same weight as a Yamaha EF5200DE  Generator.  

 Here are the reasons why I am superior to my like-massed generatorrifc friend.  Let’s break down Yamma’s features.  

- 5200 watts max / 4500 watts rated. (I have no max when energized)
 - Electric Start standard / Recoil Backup. (Nothing about me is standard)
 - BATTERY NOT INCLUDED ($47.95) (I’m fully functional, no hidden fees)
 - Will run 9.5 hours at 1/2 load.  (I’ll run all night on two 7&7′s)
 - 5.5 gallon fuel tank.  (See note about 7&7′s)
 - 73 dBA (I have no clue what this means, but I’m better!

• At 189 lbs.  I am the same weight as a Yamaha’s YZ125 off roader.  Who like me ‘claims it weighs 189 pounds without fluids.’

 

 

 

 

• At 184lbs. I weigh as much as SPUTNIK.  Who would have ever thought I would be happy about that?  But I am.  I really am. 

 

• At 177lbs I now weigh the same as a Final Fantasy character. 
  

  Name: Cecil Harvey Class: Dark Knight Age: 20 Height: 6′ Weight: 177 lbs Equipment: Dark Swords, Shields, Gauntlets, Armor, Helmets Skill(s): DarkCecil Harvey is a loyal Dark Knight, and Captain of the Red Wings of Baron. He works for the King, and idolized him as a child. However, when he looks upon the needless destruction he had to cause in Mysidia, he questions his loyalty to the King. He questions the King about his actions, and gets banished from the Red Wings. Cecil Harvey has an intricate past and is great friends withKain, his Dragoon friend who also works for the King of Baron. He is also in love with Rosa, though he does not reveal his feelings.

 

• At 175lbs I weigh the same as a Gill Men’s Pacer FX Pole. 

 

• At 172lbs, I am now LIGHT Heavy.  Half glass full focus on the word Light, half glass empty on the word Heavy.   And there it is.

 

Rooster	Up to 116 lbs.
Super Feather	116.1 – 127 lbs.
Feather	127.1 – 141 lbs.
Light	141.1 – 154 lbs.
Middle	154.1 – 167 lbs.
Light Heavy	167.1 – 181 lbs.
Heavy	181.1 – 194 lbs.
Super Heavy	194.1 – 208 lbs.
Unlimited	208.1 lbs. & Over

• Now at 170 I weigh as much as the World’s Tallest Dog!

Apparently it is now official from the Guinness Book of World Records that Gibson the 7 foot great Dane is the worlds tallest dog. Gibson is a Harlequin Great Dane and is the tallest dog who weighs 170lbs,  measuring over seven feet tall when standing on his back legs.

 

So that is my year! I’m not quite sure how I feel about weighting as much as the World’s Tallest Dog. But  all in all it was a good year.

One of the biggest things I have taken from this experience, and by experience I mean comparing my weight to random things I googled on the internet, is that at the end of the day it is only a number.  It is how healthy I am that really matters. So Gibson you have the honor of being the last thing I compare myself to.  My resolution in 2009 is to start keeping track of inches lost, and replacing body fat with lean muscle mass.  To no longer obsess over what a scale says. 

Thanks for taking this journey with me. CLICK HERE FOR YOUR LAST CHANCE TO DONATE to Bare Ass 2008!  Also remember any donation given by Dec 31st is tax-deductable for 2008. 

Happy New Year!

I’m now a former ‘Former Phat Fcuk’

Last night was one of the weirdest hours of my life.  The cast members were all dehydrated and crazed from hunger.  The theater was so hot, I wish we could have weighed in after the show because I swear I sweated off 2lbs. 

The results show was proclaimed to be a battle between Good, Evil, and More Evil. With myself, Ali – who two months ago had fallen to fourth place, but after doing a Master Cleanse eating no solid food since Saturday, a seaweed wrap, and yes, a colonic – was visibly gunning for first.  Steve, in first place last time, clutched two bottles of juice ready to rehydrate himself the second after the weigh-in.  I forget who exactly was the Evil or More Evil between Steve and Ali.  I was a bit loopy at this point myself.  But my Mother will be happy to know that I was the Good. 

In this battle, both Evil and More Evil kicked Good’s Fat Ass.  I fell short of my goal of 30lbs lost and came in at 28lbs lost.  Which is 13.9% of my body weight lost.  Steve came in at 33 lbs lost which was around 15%.  And Ali, I don’t know it all got hazy… Ali just lost a fcuking lot of weight and blew us both out of the water.

I place 3rd.  The PIT granted me $100 which I am donating to Bare Ass 2008! Bringing the total to $1855.   28lbs lost.  $1855 raised.  just short of my goals.  I have mixed feelings about this.  And to be honest I’m trepedatious about moving forward now that I don’t have to weigh-in on stage for the world to see.  I got to work early today, and have been sitting here for almost an hour completely landlocked about what to do for breakfast.  I can eat whatever I want now.  But should I?

Last night, we had pizza delivered to the theater during the show.  Besides the fact that it was so hot in the theater, and the thought of eating on stage made me feel like a zoo animal, for the first time I just didn’t want it.  And I walked away.  I don’t think any of this is leading up to a ‘end of Full House’ phrased lesson but I felt the need to note it.

So to celebrate my new weight, I am going to revisit my very first post where I compared my weight to something really obscure.   At 194lbs I was excited to have dropped from Super Heavy to Heavy in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu Tournaments standards. At 172lbs, I am now LIGHT Heavy.  Half glass full focus on the word Light, half glass empty on the word Heavy.   And there it is.

 

Rooster	Up to 116 lbs.
Super Feather	116.1 – 127 lbs.
Feather	127.1 – 141 lbs.
Light	141.1 – 154 lbs.
Middle	154.1 – 167 lbs.
Light Heavy	167.1 – 181 lbs.
Heavy	181.1 – 194 lbs.
Super Heavy	194.1 – 208 lbs.
Unlimited	208.1 lbs. & Over

 

I am also still taking pity/celebratory donations for Bare Ass 2008! depending on how you look at your glass.   CLICK HERE TO DONATE.

And thank you to The Peoples Improv Theater for a unique experience and for your donation which equals 1,600 meals for those in need.