There is a part of my blog that tells me where my traffic is coming from, other sites where people clicked over to me, search engine terms used and such. Lately, there has been a high number of searches for me in particular. Not Jellykean, or White Girl With a Fat Ass but my legal name.So I (being entirely wrapped up in myself) immediately wonder, who is out there looking for me?

I shared with Ephemerist my shock the other day to pull up my stats page and discover that someone had hit my blog by googling the phrase ‘I have slept with…’ followed by my full name. I could go into a really well composed diatribe here about the impact of Facebook, Texting, Blogs, Twitter and the various ever growing cornucopia of communications that still essentially serve the same purpose as passing notes in homeroom have had on love and dating but really my first thought was,

Eeewwww gross!

In honor of the period of time long ago when Ephemerist was posting the majority of our GCHATS on his blog. I thought it would be fun to share our ponderance over this happenstance with you.

E: Whoops! That’s scary!  At least you don’t kiss and tell on your blog.  Well, with full names etc.  You’ll be fine.

Me: Oh I know.  Yeah no worries there,  I’ve never talked about any sort of specific dating thing on the blog…. so random though.  why wouldn’t you just google my name?

E: um, why would you google?  Hello, this is dating in the 21st century.  you find out all the crazy shit upfront.  It’s like a credit check. And when people blog, sometimes they reveal many an intimate detail, ie overshare, so that’s probably why.  Eek.

Me: No I meant why wouldn’t someone google JUST my name? to type in ‘I have slept with….’ is so bizarre to me.

E: because they want to specifically know if you are writing about sex.  With them.  using I guess their name or perhaps a pseudonym.  they don’t perhaps want your resume or to know your feeeeelings, per se, just if you are maybe writing about sex?  I dunno.

Me: ‘they don’t perhaps want your resume’   HAH  nice one.  :)

E: Ha.  Or, it just occurred to me, maybe they don’t want to know if you slept with them but with who else and how many times. Hmmm.

Me: well I guess I’m safe since I went and googled the term myself and got StoryBoard and my blog – which I don’t really talk about sex.

E: yeah, that storyboard story is thankfully  not going to portray you in a bad light. And your blog is tame in regards to its personal details of coitus.  SAFE.

Me: Safe.  Good. I feel like you’re my Sexlife Ump and I just won the call.

E: OMG.  I love sex umpire.  It’s creepy though that I have to hide in the closet and watch, then spring out to make my calls.

Me: I adore Sex Umpire.  I need one to make the calls for me! Like should I (here I asked something very specific )

E: DO NOT (he answers) him.  Play it as it lays.

Me: Thank you Sex Ump!  Damn see how handy that is??

Check out Ephemerist’s interview with MEL&EL and CLICK HERE TO DONATE to Feeding America and email me at wgwafa@gmail.com You could win a Free Ticket to the show on May 15^th plus two free drinks!! Go ahead Google me.I dare you.

I’m actually too tired to play FREE RICE this Friday. But you should!

Friday? Really it is only Friday. Monday, really? Have I only not been drinking since Monday? Wow. This might be harder than I thought. It’s funny how when you vocalize, put out a challenge, then the little dude immediately comes after you.  One of my favorite phrases growing up was, “God’s out to get me” but I don’t think he is. I prefer to think that:

 A. I can’t possible define exactly who and what God is and,

B. This indefinable entity has better things to do than ‘get me’

So I started thinking of this force that likes to twist the fabric of my life as the Little Dude. Which I know means I have assigned a decidedly male persona to this evil entity. But before you go complaining real life Dudes, God’s been decidedly male for eons so sometimes you just got to take the good with the bad. Over the years I have known that the Little Dude has laughed his little head off when I

• Accidentally mooned the entire theater company I was living and working at (that’s a great story, will tell someday)

• Bought a $200 silk dress for my friend’s wedding that I could in no way afford because I was trying to pretend I wasn’t freaked out having to go to it as the only single girl, only to have a jerk dump an entire glass of red wine on me in the first fifteen minutes of the reception

• Moved to Queens and discovered that I somehow had moved myself directly between my ex-boyfriends from college, both of whom I had dated while living in Florida.

 The Little Dude, had a good time this week. Wednesday night, I went to my class at NYU that I am taking through work. It is a good class, I’m learnings lots of writing skillz and such, but sometimes a girl doesn’t want to learn about Bibliographies. She wants to go home and watch LOST. Even though she knows she will yell at the screen because the show angers her so much. But I was good. I went to class. And they had FREE PIZZA. Are you kidding me? Free Pizza, and cookies, and we took this long ass break in the middle of what is only a two hour class to eat. I know that everything in moderation, blah, blah, blah…. But this is my first week of really getting back to the gym, eating my veggies and what not. Now here I am, in a place I didn’t even really want to be, bored, tired, hungry, and literally imprisoned with free Pizza and cookies. I did not eat any. Just to bite my thumb at the Little Dude. And I went to the gym on the way home. So there.

Last night, I went out to see some bands in Williamsburg. My old hood. It felt really strange but fun to be walking around. I bar hopped to see various friends’ bands. I felt like such a bad ass with multiple stamps on my arm by the end of the night. And I did not drink. It was really hard. I’m an old lady and to be out that late, listen to music that loud, and have my old lady feet hurting in my swanky boots without sucking back a few was difficult. But you know, as dorky as it sounds, I had fun. My favorite band of the night was MONUMENTS and I can honestly say that I diged their sound (man I am a dork) because I was sober for once. Check them out.

I’m not saying that I’m not going to drink for the rest of my life (is it may 15^th yet) but it’s good to know that you can break old patterns and still have a lot of fun. CLICK HERE to donate to Feeding America in support of my efforts! And email me at wgwafa@gmail.com you could win a free ticket to MEL &EL on May 15^th!! Come on man, peer pressure for charity. Dig it.

 

I remember recently all the fuss that surrounded Oprah Winfrey’s coming out and talking about her weight gain. I remember one article headline that stated, “How did I let this happen again?” On the one hand, it is kind of hard to feel sorry for a who-the-hell-knows-onaire but I certainly empathize. This is one of the harder things I’ve ever had to do. But it is time for me to Show and Tell. Obviously, there are much worse things in this life and babies won’t die, but having to write on this blog of all places that I’ve gained half of the weight I lost back is fundamentally embarrassing.

After a long winter of writing my screenplay, drinking, and (ironically) power dating, I have gained back 15 pounds of the 30 lost during BareAss 2008. I have thusly changed the total on the sidebar. That hurt. I obviously had an inkling that this had happened. Tight pants and chub rub do not lie. However, I was still surprised when I went to the doctor this week for my yearly that I had gained back this much. Now on the upside, I am still the happiest I have ever been in my life with who I am and how I look. Mostly because of this success of this blog, both in raising money for Feeding America and through the strengths I found in myself during BareAss 2008. But, the extra weight is aggravating a medical condition I have so it’s time to shake things up. My doctor put the whole thing in a very positive light, “You lost the weight before, so the good thing is you know you can do it again.”

When I had just that moment been, “I’ve lost this weight before, I’m so stupid, now I have to do it all again.” But ultimately she is right. I have lost this weight before and let’s take a moment to examine the difference between what I was doing before Before and Now.

Before:

• Going to the gym
• Eating really healthy
• Keeping a food journal
• Raising money for Feeding America – The Nation’s Largest Foodbank
• Writing in WGWaFA regularly

Now:

• Gym? Is that the place with all the weights? But it’s so cold out and nice and warm on my couch.
• It’s not a proper meal unless it’s covered in cheese.
• Is keeping a food journal the same as scanning your bar tab at last call in disbelief?
• Raising a glass or two, or five, to get through a first date.
• Writing my screenplay- which for some reason for me means ordering take out, replacing breakfast with coffee, and inhaling chocolate to quell the tiny voice in my head that keeps insisting this is the worst piece of crap anyone has ever typed into a computer.

And thus 15 pounds gained back. And I empathize with Oprah. The thing that immediately jumps out at me when comparing my Before and Now is my abundant consumption of alcohol. I can blame it on winter blues, or increased dating (where sometimes the only good thing is the free drinks), or the fact that I simply like to go watch the Sox and drink beers. But besides gaining back half my weight, it has also lead to some fairly poor decision making recently.

This week I’ve started introducing fruits and veggies back into my daily routine. I’ve been going back to the gym. And most importantly I’ve finished rewriting my screenplay. That last point makes me extremely happy! So here goes…

I am not going to drink alcohol again until May 15^th! Why May 15^th? Besides being a good way to kick my Fat Ass into high gear, and to honor the 15 pounds I have gained (and know I can lose) I am going to see MEL & EL: SHOW AND TELL on May 15^th.

Ars Nova presents the World Premiere of MEL & EL: SHOW AND TELL, a new comedy with music written and performed by Melanie Adelman and Ellie Dvorkin, real life best friends who have known each other since they were 12 years old. Best described as a musical Laverne & Shirley-meets-Sex & the City, Mel & El are a riotously funny duo who have quickly become a “downtown” cult phenomenon through appearances at NYMF, Gotham Comedy Club, Comix, The Zipper, Nice Jewish Girls Gone Bad, Homo Comicus, here! TV’s Busted, and an acclaimed one-year run at The Duplex with their first show, Mel & El: This Show Rhymes.  Directed by Moritz von Stuelpnagel, MEL & EL: SHOW AND TELL begins previews May 6 at Ars Nova. Opening night is set for May 15.

From the day they met in advanced jazz class, Mel & El have been inseparable.  In MEL & EL: SHOW AND TELL, the acclaimed cabaret-meets-musical theater duo employ their sharp wit, infectious songwriting and unparalleled stage chemistry to escape meddling mothers, wedding mania, ticking biological clocks and much more. Join the eighties fab / nineties glitz / aughts pop pair as they uncover and untangle their true selves.

MEL & EL: SHOW AND TELL features music by Patrick Spencer Bodd, musical direction by Jaspaer Grant, costumes by Bobby Tilley, lighting by Jason Lyons, set by Tim Mackabee, sound design by Walter Trarbach, choreography by Wendy Seyb and production stage management by Molly Eustis.

MEL & EL: SHOW AND TELL runs May 6 – 30, Tuesday – Saturday at 8PM. Ars Nova is located at 511 West 54th Street (just west of 10th Ave. — accessible from C, E, to 50th Street, N, R, Q, W to 57th Street, or 1, 9 to Columbus Circle). Tickets are $25, available at 212-352-3101 or www.arsnovanyc.com

How can you support me in this quest dear faithful readers? You can comment below with your own motivating suggestions. You can CLICK HERE TO DONATE to Feeding America who presently are in a Fresh Food Emergency. Right now EVERY $1 YOU GIVE WILL HELP PROVIDE 10 POUNDS OF FOOD FOR FAMILIES IN NEED.

Also, between now and May 15^th, if you DONATE to Feeding America, you can WIN A FREE TICKET to MEL&EL: SHOW AND TELL on May 15^th That’s right. I’ve got an extra ticket and it is YOURS. Just donate and email me at wgwafa@gmail.com to let me know (I’ll trust your word) and you could go to see the show for free. A ticket to Mel &EL and two free drinks on me!! How can you beat that? If you can’t donate, you can help by spreading the word around to your friends and family.And if you don’t live in NYC, donate because you are a good person and I will make sure to find a wicked awesome out-of-towner prize.

Check back in often because I will be blogging regularly between now and May 15^th. It may not sound like a long time to you, but even getting through this first uber nice weekend in the city without a cold one is going to be tough. Is it May 15^th yet?  But if you aren’t free on May 15th, donation or no, you should check out Mel&El’s show!!  Info below.

I didn’t meant for that last sentence to rhyme like that.  But it’s such a good show!!! I got excited.

For the first time in WGWaFA History I have a RETRACTION to my warblings.  Or at least one that I will fess up too.  In my April Fool’s Post:  Dear You, From Fool

I realized walking home last night that EATIST was right.  My Window Boyfriend is located on Central Park SOUTH.  Not at Central Park WEST as I previously stated.

Wow, you guys really are reading.  Hot.  Now CLICK HERE TO DONATE.  Every dollar will help provide 10 pounds of food for families in need!

Or, if you are unable to donate take some time this Rainy Friday to play FREE RICE

and learn to use fun words like RETRACTION while you help the UN World Food Program fight world hunger.