Wow I can’t believe a whole week has gone by without a post.  WGWaFAhas a lot going on, she is moving to a new apartment, her two year writing class is coming to and end next month and she is scrambling to finish her last script, and she is slightly twitterpated by roguish lad.  

And apparently, besides overeating stress causes her to write in the third person. But all soon shall pass.  Today we are going to do a little something different for Free Rice Friday.  There is a fun new way to help fight hunger.  Check out this message from America’s Second Harvest – soon to be Feeding America.

Dear White Girl With a Fat Ass,
I’d like to give you a fun and unique opportunity to help men, women, and children facing hunger.

Play our online trivia game, and for every question you answer correctly, we’ll secure and distribute FOUR POUNDS of fresh food for someone who desperately needs it.

There are 50 questions, which means you could help provide up to 200 pounds of good, fresh food for families in desperate need!

When millions of Americans are going hungry, there’s no reason why good food should go to waste. Take our quiz and help your neighbors facing hunger. Thank you.

Sincerely,

Vicki Escarra
President and CEO

P.S. Play our online trivia game! For every question you answer correctly, we’ll secure and distribute four pounds of fresh food for hungry families.

 

I’m going to add to the fun with my own little quiz for WGWaFA fans:

1. What star’s ass did WGWaFA’sFA have not one but two conversations with?

1. Jennifer Lopez
2. Jennifer Aniston
3. Jennifer Love Hewitt
4. Jennifer Hudson

2. What holiday does WGWaFA always get dumped before?

1. Groundhog’s Day
2. Halloween
3. Fourth of July
4. Christmas

3. Which of these things has WGWaFA compared her present body weight to?

1. Sputnik
2. Gill Mens Pacer FX Pole
3. Yamaha Generator
4. All of the Above

4. What does WGWaFA promise to post on this blog if you help her raise $5231 in 2008?

1. A bare, yet tasteful, heiney shot
2. Her yearbook photo
3. a video of her working at Disney
4. None of the above

Save the date: on October 5th at the Peoples Improv Theater there will be a BARE ASS BENEFIT! A night of stand-up comedians, improv performers, and a special guest appearance by Mel&El all proceeds will go to America’s Second Harvest via Bare Ass 2008! 

Click here to DONATE.  I’m only $100 from the $2000 mark. 

First person to correctly answer the quiz above wins a free ticket to the show! If you don’t live in NYC then we’ll figure something out.  And go to America’s Second Harvest and play.  Between this and Free Rice you may never have to work at work again.

  Hello and welcome, welcome, welcome to a Free Rice Friday!  Let’s improve our vocabulary while donating rice through the UN World Food Program to help end hunger.

Today’s Word:  WANTON = UNRESTRAINED 

Each Free Rice Friday I like to explore Today’s Word in a new and unique way.  Looking up other sources of definitions, I found a highly amusing one on the Urban Dictionary :

3.	wanton
	casual and unrestrained sexual behavior while either eating wanton soup or the sexual behavior occurring in the soup.

Oh, we got it on, we got it on wanton style.

Lets wanton tonight!

I am especially bemused by the idea that soup is getting more action than me.  In the spirit of disclosing bizarrely personal information about myself, here are three really random things that make me want to “Get it on wanton style!”

1. Bonnie Tyler’s Eclipse of the Heart.  There is a reason it was a 1983 top ten billboard hit.  Anytime, anywhere that song comes on….
2. Battlestar Galactica.  Everything from the opening sequence music to the word DRADIS it all makes want to Frakking Wanton tonight!
3. Christmas Carols.  Carol of the Bells, Joy to the World, Do you hear what I hear?  all of them.  I don’t know what it is, but I am clearly going to hell for all my Midnight Mass-induced wanton thoughts.

Bare Ass 2008! is $100 away from breaking $2,000 raised.  CLICK HERE TO DONATE

And for everyone in NYC, my friend Jeff (whose health counseling was a huge part of my 28lbs weight loss) is hosting a free health seminar this Sunday for anyone interested in being Hot &Healthy!  Check it out, and any guests of White Girl With a Fat Ass gets a discount on products. 

Since writing WGWaFA, something has continuously surprised me about myself.  The notion that I actually feel more comfortable with the extra weight as a means of protection from men.  Both as a shield from their sexual advances, and as something to blame when I am rejected.  This is a feeling that I was utterly shocked to discover that many women share.

I am grateful to and in awe of the courage of the women who related their experiences with using their weight as protection both on the blog, Margarita Shapes Up and on the B-FAB Society.  I recently became part of the Beautiful Fat Ass Babes social network started by Janette Barber  and Laura Banks, the authors of Embracing Your Big Fat Ass.  B-FAB’s mission is to “turn our negative obsession with our asses into a celebration!”  Might not be too hard to see why I eagerly became a member…

Reading about how other women used their weight to shield them from men and life itself really impacted me.  Without the hoopla of Former Phat Fcuk and the monthly weigh-ins live on stage, I have reached a transitional time.  With all that I have achieved with Bare Ass 2008! the last thing I want to do is slow down fundraising momentum or gain the weight back.  Because let’s face it that has happened before.   There is such an improved difference in my health, I know that this journey is more involved than just how my ass looks.  

This weekend I am sure I was not the only one to cheer out loud when Michael Phelps won his record setting Gold Medals.  I do wonder if I was the only one to burst into tears.  Watching Phelps win the butterfly race was a stunning moment that I will never forget.  But it was more than that.  A competitive swimmer in high school, I’ll never forget how I felt the first time I perfectly coordinated my backstroke strokes with the color of the blue and white lane ropes turning solid red.  Executing a perfect flip turn (which was brand new to my league at the time and I was one of the first backstroke swimmers to do it) it was electricity when my feet hit the wall.  I gracefully and powerfully pushed off and like a sling-shotted perfectly straight arrow jetted my way onto victory. 

Out of the water, I always felt like an awkward whale in an ugly one piece team suit.  In the water, I was strong and possessed a grace that seemed forever out of reach on land.  So when one of the male members on my swim team began touching me inappropriately under the water, it permanently fractured the only sense of grace I had ever known. 

The events spiraled and the details are irrelevant now.  In the end, I never stood up for myself. Never having dated, or kissed by a boy, somehow this troglodyte managed to convince me I should be grateful for whatever attention I was receiving.  But I was mostly afraid.  I quit the team and to this day the chlorine smell of an indoor pool makes me sick to my stomach. 

I had forgotten the joy.  Until this weekend.  Until Michael Phelps. And so my once puppy crush has grown to adoration and complete awe of the power of the human spirit.

This weekend in an attempt to open myself up to the idea of dating again, I accepted a blind date of sorts.  Again the details are irrelevant now.  The real reason I was uber excited for this sort of date was that it was to go see Neil Diamond at Madison Square Garden.  What girl could be so lucky as to get to see Neil Diamond twice in one week!  Apparently not this girl, because I got pre-dumped before the event.  With a curt email stating his roommate had reclaimed the extra ticket.  After that it might be another 9 months before I try going on a date again…

Being that we never even met, I can’t blame my FA for this turn of bad luck.  No matter what the weight, it’s not going to keep me from getting rejected or make it any easier.  And I don’t want to spend one more minute denying the B-FAB within!  And let’s be honest there is no way I could have had a better time at Neil Diamond than I did with Ephemerist on Tuesday night!  I was too ‘So Good! So Good!’  greedy for my own good.

Besides the tears, there was also a lot of cheese consumption this weekend.  Here is my ‘end of a Full House episode‘ moral for this story: 

There is nothing wrong with experiencing the joy that is a finely aged cheese, instead it is when you replace your joy with cheese that the troglodytes of this world have won.

Keep in mind that I am still not quite out of the easier said than done stage. 

Congratulations to Michael Phelps and all of the U.S. athletes

Totally unrelated to food, or weigh-ins, or my FA, lets discuss Neil Diamond.  Yes, Jazz singer, coming to America, ’so good’ ’so good’  Neil Diamond.  Ephemerist and I went to see Mr. Diamond at Madison Square Garden last night.  Singing along to Sweet Caroline at the top of my lungs with an entire stadium full of people enraptured with one man and a guitar (and like 23 piece back up band/singers) is the happiest I have been in a very long time. 

I grew up going to Neil Diamond concerts my whole life.  While other kids went to the iceshow or the circus, I fondly remember flying doves, laser light beams cutting through dense fog, and electric red spangle shirts. Moving around since I was five, and not having a big family with lots of traditions, or even a solid place that I’ve ever been able to call home, Neil Diamond was the constant.  It never seemed odd to see his show multiple times, or drive to other states, but natural to know every word to every song and comforting that everyone around you does too. 

When I was a kid, my Mother hated the mess of getting out of a packed parking lot.  So one of the best parts about the concert experience is the cooler picnic she would pack and leave in the back of the station wagon.  As everyone else fought to get out of the lot at the same time, or heaven forbid left during the encore to beat the rush, my Mother would lower the tailgate and we would have a little post-concert picnic.  I remember cold BBQ chicken wings, and OJ that had become all watery because the ice in the thermos had melted during the show.  Sort of a strange combo but these are the two items that stand out in my mind. 

Last night, watching the show a few new things hit me.

• I can’t believe it took 31 years before I discovered the joy of going to see Neil Diamond after a few drinks.  It may not be watery OJ, but ’so good, so good’
• As an adult, there are days when all of the lyrics to ‘I AM, I SAID’ make perfect sense.  More days than I would like.
• I may never be able to experience the joy that would be bringing my own child to a Neil Diamond concert.

That is right.  Of all the times, places, and reasons last night in the middle of ‘Beautiful Noise’ my Biological Clock overpowered my self-imposed snooze setting and starting ticking.  I could hear it clear and loud even within the fevered clapping of thousands of Neil Diamond fans in Madison Square Garden.  Like the crocodile comin’ after captain hook at the end of Peter Pan… 

And I am lost, and I can’t even say why.  Leavin’ me lonely still.