To celebrate Valentine’s and Free Rice, the wicked cool site where you can smarten your brain while fighting world hunger, today’s Free Rice Friday is bringing you two words.

GORDMANDIZE = DEVOUR   &    COLLYWOBBLES = BELLYACHE

Diet Tip #23 (jelly & kean inc., (2008). The year I put my bare ass on the Internet, and got to meet Stephen Colbert. New York: WGWaFA Press.)

#23 – If and when you find yourself celebrating Valentine’s day by ordering massive amounts of Chinese take-out food and watching LOST, tipping the delivery guy an extra $2 because he wished you a Happy Valentine’s day, drink at least 2 to 3 glasses of water as you GORDMANDIZE the entire order. Utilizing the faulty logic that if you have left-overs you will then tank healthy eating for the next few days.  So best to get it all down in one shot rather than enabling future binges.  If the water does not help speed the flushing of MSG out of your system, and you find yourself with a horrible case of the COLLYWOBBLES in the middle of the night, remember that with Chinese food the ‘hair of the dog’ means something else entirely.  Going back for seconds(or 5ths) will only aggravate your condition.   Most of all please keep in mind that tomorrow is a new day, you are only human, and sometimes no matter how much you love LOVE (god damn it) Valentine’s day just has to suck.  Then drink 4 to 5 more glasses of water because most likely your body is dehydrated and really pissed off at you.

*unlike traditional free rice friday’s exploration of the word of the day, the above is based entirely on true events.